I lie there for a while before I get up. This is a must to start a slow summer morning. Some mornings I’m scrolling my phone, not looking at anything in particular. Other mornings I’m just lying there, staring out the blinds at the swaying trees. Then I make my way to the kitchen for coffee, because that part never changes.

Right now it’s Golden Caramel Nespresso with half and half, in my Yeti mug so it stays hot while I sip it slowly, for way too long. There’s no rush built into this part of the day anymore.

Fred’s usually been up for a bit, having his own coffee, getting his head on before he heads out to the gym. His morning routine is a bit more intense than mine. Maybe he will share his routine in a future post!

After that, it really depends on the day. Sometimes I’m out on the patio checking on the herbs, sometimes watering, sometimes I go for a walk. Some mornings I just sit and watch TV before starting my work day. There’s no real routine I’m performing here. It’s just whatever the morning actually wants to be for right now.

I didn’t always have mornings like this.

For a long time, the second I opened my eyes, I felt a rush of adrenaline hit my body before I’d even moved. It would take hours to come back down from it. I started staying up later than I needed to and not because I wasn’t tired, but because some part of me knew what was waiting on the other side of falling asleep. My body was telling me something I guess I wasn’t ready to hear yet: that I wasn’t looking forward to what came next, the morning.

So I changed what came next. Sleep first, because that’s where everything else was breaking down. What I was eating. I went back to therapy. I left a career field that didn’t fit who I actually am and found work that does. I started making real room for the things I love making and doing, instead of treating them as something I’d get to eventually.

None of that happened fast. But it’s so much better now, and I genuinely look forward to my mornings and my nights in a way I didn’t used to, and I am so grateful.

I had to actually stop and ask myself what I wanted. Not what I thought I should want.

Right now, what I want is this. Waking up slowly. Coffee in my favorite cup, with my favorite person, without having to run out the door, and focus on taking care of my family and building the life of my dreams.

Three years ago, that was just the dream. Now it’s just my Tuesday.