It was in the 90s last week; the air quality was the worst I’ve ever experienced, and I lasted about four minutes outside. I had a whole list of things I wanted to do, and I did none of them, and then I spent the evening with that feeling of wasting a summer day.

That feeling is the one I want to talk about.

Somewhere back in childhood, summer got handed a job. Three months off, no schedule, staying up way too late, out until the streetlights came on. It was the season we were free, and that feeling stuck. Now July shows up still carrying that same old promise. The harvest is supposed to be enormous. The evenings are supposed to be long and full of catching lightning bugs.

Meanwhile, most of us are working long days. Caring for somebody while trying to take care of ourselves. Cooking, cleaning, appointments, in the heat, with that seasonal expectation sitting on top of everything else like one more thing to keep up with.

Here is what I keep noticing, at least around here. Rest gets scheduled for winter. We give ourselves permission to slow down and cozy up in bed early when it’s dark at 4:30, and then summer arrives, and that permission gets revoked. Can’t waste a perfect summer day.

But some days it is 94 degrees and the humidity makes it hard to breathe. The mosquitoes won’t quit biting, and you’ve been awake since 6 am. Heat can add a real load on the body. Your heart works harder, you lose fluid faster, and the tiredness that comes with being out in the sun all day is truly unmatched.

The other thing is there is so much summer left.

I do this every year around now. The end of July hits and something in me starts counting down the days, like the season is already slipping away and I missed it. But my peppers have just finally started getting bigger and the flowers are beautiful and abundant. Around here, August is when the garden actually does the thing everyone already posted about in June, and early September evenings are honestly my favorite of the whole year!

So I am trying something different this season. When a day is too hot to be useful, I let it be too hot. I do the watering early and plan for an early, cozy night in the A.C., which I am so grateful to have. I am not going to try and catch that old fleeting feeling of Summer freedom, as that feeling was created by letting go and just being in the moment anyway. Consider this my slow summer era.

The thing I keep coming back to is that this season does not need to be optimized or maximized or made into anything at all. It is already happening, at its own pace, with or without my lists.

Now I want to ask you something: what is this summer actually like for you, right now, in the middle of it, and do you ever find yourself chasing that old Summer feeling?